Lets just say that things have more than improved for me. I'm feeling better-much better. I made the decision to stop taking my birth control pills, which in my opinion, were causing the severe highs and lows in mood, and making me a total emotional wreck about 75% of the time. So i tossed them, after months of thinking about it and talking about it..i just did it. I am a good week into no bcp's and I'm a much happier person, more laid back, and definitely more energetic with my girls, which is so nice right now. We are in no way TTC or even willing to chance an accident right now (well, Eric isn't), but i have to respect his choices as my husband and also that our finances are simply not in order for a third...nor our home or mental capacities with more than the two we have. I'd love more children, but i just don't see how I'd be a 'fit' mother with more right now. Simple as that...
So not too much has been happening in our lives really. We still never go anywhere much or do anything except play house all the time and try to keep our heads above water, literally...lol. Our rental house is finally fixed. All the plumbing issues that seemed would never end have finally come to a close after 2 months of constant calls saying somethings broken. We have gone a full two weeks without a call from the tenant and boy does that feel good. So that's a load off big time.
Eric's store was burglarized this Saturday night/Sunday morning. I'd love to get my hands on the creeps who thought I'd be okay if they just came in and did what ever they pleased with the place. I will not elaborate too much on the actual facts of the case for the fact that the piece of shit who did it are still running around spending money that is not rightfully theirs (and more). Hopefully the boys in blue will handle this one properly, but in this town, the magic 8-ball says, "No Way. Try Again Later." Can you tell how much faith I have in them...again though, another vocal spewage all together.
Oh and i am now a designer in training (DIT) on pure pixels.com. Everyone should go check it out and request some graphics/siggies. I'm loving it there and wanted to post the website. All the girls there are marvelous...!
WWW.PUREPIXELS.PROBOARDS76.COM
Grace is growing quickly as well in the time that's passed since my last posting. She's getting her 4th tooth these days-finally some progress. it only took 14 months to get that far. She's really battling the teething lately and i know it will only get worse before better. She is also talking a lot more lately. She is lovingly calling Sydney "Ne-Ne" and loves to discipline the animals, telling them "bad, bad," and swatting her hand like she's gonna spank them at the same time. Also, she's been doing this thing for a while where she just starts spouting off commands (and probably some insults) where its just total gibberish. Like she's trying to speak a whole paragraph in some foreign language. I think its maybe in Korean or something cause its so fast i cant even catch one phrase of what she's getting at most times. Its totally hilarious for sure...
Keep watch for my next post. It should be a goody...get your Kleenex out girls, I'm sure gonna need mine...there should be lots of sentimental mumbo jumbo and such included as I'm sitting here contemplating the next few days of my life. It will entail Sydney...everything Sydney, my tribute to my first born daughter who tugs my heartstrings each time she smiles at me...and manages to create mayhem everywhere she goes. I love that kid more than words can say. She stirs a frenzy of emotion in me just thinking about posting on all things SYD.
So for now, this is where it ends...i will be back after i ponder things just a bit more and lay out everything i do, and have ever felt for that kid... my next blog will be BYOB (as in, bring your own box of Kleenex). I will not be responsible for runny mascara or extreme emotional love for your own children that may develop as a result, I swear.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Not enough hours in a day...
I cant seem to find the time to update my blogs anymore...my apoligies.
I just wanted to say quickly that i havent stopped blogging, just have had a lot of things on my plate. I am feeling sort of down these last few days... my kiddo is sick, my money is short, my patience are even shorter, my other kiddo is acting like a madman (or woman, as it applies here), and i'm so sick and tired of the daily grind...the list goes on and on. I'm so bored with 'things' lately. It seems like i just do the same things day in and day out, which i guess is all the same for most. Normally, i'm okay with the everyday, but today i feel different for some reason.
I look to how i could change things...but when i toil over such things i ususally only end up feeling worse about the situation. I feel so powerless in the big scheme of things. I guess my life is what i've made it, but in all the happiness i've found with my husband and my kids, I still find that empty spot in 'me' and have no idea how i am to fill or close it.
My design work is a lot of what's bogging me down too, i think. I love doing it...but i'm slow right now and when i do get new work i feel so discouraged when starting anything. Sort of straddling the fence in between burnt out and bored with lack of exciting things to do. I originally started this venture in the hopes of being able to stay at home with the kids and do design at night or while they are napping, but i guess the reality of it is what really gets me. There is no realisitic way i would ever be comfortable quitting my job to do this. These last few weeks have been total proof of the fact that the volume of my work is unpredictable. And i've noticed that the more people i know learn what exactly what it is i do, that they start to do their own invites, etc and then there's no need for what i do. Basically i feel kinda like it wasnt that well thought out and i should have kept at just doing it for fun and not trying to profit from my skills. Maybe then i'd atleast still enjoy what i do...I'm considering taking a break and taking down my myspace page...but i havent decided yet.
In efforts to try and renew my spirit, i've applied myself as a designer in training at a signature site that some girls i know run. That too has been totally discouraging. I've gotten no responses as to whether they would like my help (heck, it is volunteer work) or whether they'd rather me go f-off, nothing. Atleast a person deserves a response.
I guess maybe i dont have what it takes to be a designer in general...when it relates to my company or to other things. I'm just so over that inadequate feeling in every area of my life.
I just wanted to say quickly that i havent stopped blogging, just have had a lot of things on my plate. I am feeling sort of down these last few days... my kiddo is sick, my money is short, my patience are even shorter, my other kiddo is acting like a madman (or woman, as it applies here), and i'm so sick and tired of the daily grind...the list goes on and on. I'm so bored with 'things' lately. It seems like i just do the same things day in and day out, which i guess is all the same for most. Normally, i'm okay with the everyday, but today i feel different for some reason.
I look to how i could change things...but when i toil over such things i ususally only end up feeling worse about the situation. I feel so powerless in the big scheme of things. I guess my life is what i've made it, but in all the happiness i've found with my husband and my kids, I still find that empty spot in 'me' and have no idea how i am to fill or close it.
My design work is a lot of what's bogging me down too, i think. I love doing it...but i'm slow right now and when i do get new work i feel so discouraged when starting anything. Sort of straddling the fence in between burnt out and bored with lack of exciting things to do. I originally started this venture in the hopes of being able to stay at home with the kids and do design at night or while they are napping, but i guess the reality of it is what really gets me. There is no realisitic way i would ever be comfortable quitting my job to do this. These last few weeks have been total proof of the fact that the volume of my work is unpredictable. And i've noticed that the more people i know learn what exactly what it is i do, that they start to do their own invites, etc and then there's no need for what i do. Basically i feel kinda like it wasnt that well thought out and i should have kept at just doing it for fun and not trying to profit from my skills. Maybe then i'd atleast still enjoy what i do...I'm considering taking a break and taking down my myspace page...but i havent decided yet.
In efforts to try and renew my spirit, i've applied myself as a designer in training at a signature site that some girls i know run. That too has been totally discouraging. I've gotten no responses as to whether they would like my help (heck, it is volunteer work) or whether they'd rather me go f-off, nothing. Atleast a person deserves a response.
I guess maybe i dont have what it takes to be a designer in general...when it relates to my company or to other things. I'm just so over that inadequate feeling in every area of my life.
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