Not enough hours in a day...

I cant seem to find the time to update my blogs anymore...my apoligies.

I just wanted to say quickly that i havent stopped blogging, just have had a lot of things on my plate. I am feeling sort of down these last few days... my kiddo is sick, my money is short, my patience are even shorter, my other kiddo is acting like a madman (or woman, as it applies here), and i'm so sick and tired of the daily grind...the list goes on and on. I'm so bored with 'things' lately. It seems like i just do the same things day in and day out, which i guess is all the same for most. Normally, i'm okay with the everyday, but today i feel different for some reason.

I look to how i could change things...but when i toil over such things i ususally only end up feeling worse about the situation. I feel so powerless in the big scheme of things. I guess my life is what i've made it, but in all the happiness i've found with my husband and my kids, I still find that empty spot in 'me' and have no idea how i am to fill or close it.

My design work is a lot of what's bogging me down too, i think. I love doing it...but i'm slow right now and when i do get new work i feel so discouraged when starting anything. Sort of straddling the fence in between burnt out and bored with lack of exciting things to do. I originally started this venture in the hopes of being able to stay at home with the kids and do design at night or while they are napping, but i guess the reality of it is what really gets me. There is no realisitic way i would ever be comfortable quitting my job to do this. These last few weeks have been total proof of the fact that the volume of my work is unpredictable. And i've noticed that the more people i know learn what exactly what it is i do, that they start to do their own invites, etc and then there's no need for what i do. Basically i feel kinda like it wasnt that well thought out and i should have kept at just doing it for fun and not trying to profit from my skills. Maybe then i'd atleast still enjoy what i do...I'm considering taking a break and taking down my myspace page...but i havent decided yet.

In efforts to try and renew my spirit, i've applied myself as a designer in training at a signature site that some girls i know run. That too has been totally discouraging. I've gotten no responses as to whether they would like my help (heck, it is volunteer work) or whether they'd rather me go f-off, nothing. Atleast a person deserves a response.

I guess maybe i dont have what it takes to be a designer in general...when it relates to my company or to other things. I'm just so over that inadequate feeling in every area of my life.